Sunday, March 12, 2006

The cliches i have been through in indian cinema



Karan johar says "I love cliches".

Well the whole of india likes them and thats the exact reson why indian cinema has remained stagnant- thanks to some mavericks it got revived thru the "hinglish" culture- and CLICHED .

Be it the K-thing with karan johar or the gyration of our choli strapped heroines or else the temperate behaviour of our leading men who never feel like touching a sexy drenched heroine for reasons best known to them(thanks to the likes of shawar ali,aryan vaid,emraan hashmi heroes are perceived as normal men).

A beautiful and rich girl falls in love with a poor guy because of the only reason that he loves her more than his own life. Now this stupid girl needs to be told that a beautiful and rich girl is a dream combo and any guy will do anything to get that combo. But NAH.. She wills against her dad and elopes with this good-for-nothing-except-loving guy.

The one cliche i love in indian cinema is nirupa roy.

The following are some of the cliches i have lived through in my cinematic experiences.


* The classic: "main tumhaare bachche ki maa banne waali hoon."

* The eternal reason for being the victim of anything that can happen to you in hindi films :
" Mai gareeb hoon na , isliye ...."

* A main character in the movie will go to the temple and say :
"Bhagwan mainey tumse aaj tak kuch nahin maanga....."

* Old hindi movie : "Aiye ji sunte ho.. Aap bade woh hein."

* Lover-girl to leaving lover-boy : "Mai tumhare bina nahin jee sakti "

* "Kanoon ke haath bahut lambe hote hein"

* "Rukjao! kanoon ko apne haath mein mat lo"

* Judge announcing his decision in filmi court : "Gawaaoon key bayaanat aur saboot ko madde nazar rakhtey Taz-e-raat-e-hind, dafaa 302 ke tahet , muzrim ko sazaaye maut di jaati hai"

* "Muzrim ko ba-izzat bari kiya jaata hai"

* "Main is Geeta per haath rakhkar yeh saugandh leta hoon ki jo bhi kahoonga sach kahoonga, aur sach ke siva kuch nahin kahoonga."

* "Inspector! Giraftaar karlo issey"

* "Raam Raam kaaka"

* "Jug Jug jiyo beta "

* "Ab hum kisi ko muh dikhaane ke layak nahin rahe"

* "Kya issi din ke liye tujhe paal pos ke bada kiya tha?"

* Typical farmer ka dialogue : "mainey is zameen ko apne khoon sey seencha hai"

* Hero/heroine after opening their eyes in the hospital : "Main kahan hoon?"

* "Mai kahti hoon, Door ho jaa meri nazron sey"

* "Is ghar ke darwaaze, tumhare liye hamesha ke liye band hein"

* A Prem-Chopra-type villian to the heroine/village belle : "In gori gori kalaiyon ko kaam karne ki kya zaroorat hai"

* "Chhod do mujhe, bhagwaan ke liye chhod do"

* "Maine tumhe kya samjha, Aur tum kya nikley!"

* Doctor : " Ab Sab oopar waale key haath mein hai"

* Doctor : "Chowbees ghante tak hosh nahin aiya to ..... "

* "Agar Maa ka doodh piya hai to saamne aa."

* "Jyaada hoshiayari karne ki koshish maat karna "

* Amitabh in many movies : " Nahin chhodunga tujhe. Jaan sey maar daaloonga."

* "Bhagwaan pe bharosa rakho. Sab thik ho jaiye ga"

* "Woh ek gandi naali ka keeda hai"

* "Woh kutte ki maut marega "

* "Ajji sunte ho , munna ke pitajee "

* Rich father to son : " Ek phooti kaudi nahin doonga "

* "Zamaane ne thokar laga-laga ke is dil ko paththar bana diya"

* Dharmendra in many movies : " Kutte! Kamine ! ....."

* Dharmendra : "Chun Chun ke maaroonga, ek-ek ko chun chun ke maroonga"

* Lalita Pawar in many scenes : " Chudeil! Kide pade tere ....."

* The favoirite emotional blackmail : "Tune yeh kiya to tu mere mara muh dekhegi "

* All filmi chowkidaars : " Shhalaam Shhaab!"

* Inspector Iftekar on a megaphone : " Apne aap ko police ke hawaale kar do. Police ne chaaron taraf sey tumhe gher liya hai. Apne hathiyaar phenk do "

* "Bhaagne ki koshish mat karna"

* "pulice ko tum jaise naujawaanon per naaz hai"

* The classic : " Thairo! Yeh shaadi nahin ho sakti !"

* The villian's sidekick : "Boss! Maal pakda gaya "

* "Bol! Bol heere kahan chuppa rakhe hai "

* "Ab tumhari maa hamare kabze mein hai"
"Agar tum paanch llaakh leker, silver beech ke puraney killey pe nahin aiye, to mai usse bum se udaa doongaa"

* "Yeh sauda tumhe bahut mehnga padega"

* "Jo sheeshe ke gharon mein rehte hein, woh doosron pe paththar nahin phenkte"

* "Hum woh hein jo paththar ko kaanch se tod-liya karte hein"

* - The stereotypical announcer : "Bhaiyon aur behnon ...." "Ladies and Gentelmen ..."
- Mehmood, the announcer : "Ladies and Ledas ...."

* "Mai tumahara aihsaan zindagi bhar nahin bhoolonga"

* "Itnay paise tum kahan sey laiye ?"

* "Police mere peeche lagi hui hai .."

* "Tum mere liye mar chuke ho"

* "Ghar mein do-do jawaan betiyaan hein"

* "Lo! - Muh meetha karo"

* "Hato naa! Log kya kahenge"

* "Khabardaar jo mujhe haath bhi lagayaa .."

* "Aarre! isse to tez bukhaar hai"

* "Aaj Pinky ka janam din hai"

* "Gurkha, isse dhakke maarke bahar nikaal do"

* Nirupa roy's favourite "Ek baar mujhe maa kehkar pukaro beta"

* "... mujhe tumhaare is behte hue khoon ki kasam ...."

* "Beti, tu to paraya dhan hai"

* "Zabaan ko lagaam do .."

* "Pesh hai duniya ke jaane-maane kalakaar, Miss Renu"

* On a suhaagraat nite, wife to husband : " Doodh pee lijiya"

* "Hume tedi anguli se ghee nikaalna aata hai"

* "Kutte ki dum tedi-ki-tedi hi rehti hai"

* "Bhabhi, tumhare haath ki chai peene ko man kar raha hai"

* "Tune mere peeth pe chura bhoka hai"

Even karan johar got bored of the bromides like culture,ethics ad infinitum and is making kabhi alvida na kehna which is based on extra marital affairs.

Now menage-a-trois is not a cliche in indian movies.

P.S.: One instance where i saw how assimilated the cliches in our blood
I was watching kal ho naa ho and in the supposedly mawkish climax where srk is bound to die and saif n preity confront him.. And while this scene is going on there was an another scene going on beside me. There was a cute little gujarati girl crying inconsolably.
She was telling her mom "director gadhedoche bhagavan ka help kyun nahi leta !!"

Hows tht for a cliche ??

4 Comments:

At 4:47 AM, Anonymous lavanya said...

type karte karte tumhe kuch nahi hua kya??
too many cliches..
nice collection huh??
good one..

 
At 6:21 AM, Anonymous kirthi said...

awesome collection.....
couldn't help laughing..
gud one

 
At 1:54 PM, Anonymous jahnavi said...

really a gud one and wonderful collection

 
At 5:58 AM, Anonymous Sahiti said...

hey cute one...mean how many of us can actually find smthg so funny on the net!!

 

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