Saturday, January 13, 2007

Most men are from mars and some from venus too.


Prologue: Every year, this writer resolutes to milk a cow but since no cow is volunteering-this year too- he is quite distraught. So, commiserate with his plight and read on.

Three different incidents(which dont have any antecedents to my knowledge) triggered off this write up.
1)In her blog, my fellow blogger sameera wrote that a male is either a man or homosexual but what is this metrosexual in between.
2)Ace swimmer ian thorpe is lampooned by the australian media for his "metrosexual" fashion style.
3)While watching jaan-e-man the whole theatre bursted into a loud eructation when akshay kumar says that " i am a homosexual" but the same theatre fell into a hushed silence when he professes that he is a "metrosexual". I guess the silence is preceded by ignorance.

In one of those nocturnal confabulations with my female friend i said that i liked wearing pink and those printed floral shirts. And here is what she said
"Jagan !!!(thats my name) you like pink ?? ummmm.. but pink is not for MEN. I doubt your sexuality(this was said with a smidgeon of sarcastic titter)."
That made me a bit insecure. Am i going the bobby darling way was the big question popping up in my mind. And answers were fast eluding me. This is not a one off case. I
guess many modern men go through the same predicament. Well men, raise a toast and join the fraternity of metrosexuals. Now, who is this metrosexual male?? In what way is he different?? I guess i have answers and they are as below.

Our society-leave aside those 250 million below poverty line, they will be taken care of by the ULFA militants- is transmogrifying into a society of egalitarianism and in this ongoing process women have a larger than life role to play. But still, most men do not let the women "BE". And this is where a metrosexual begs to differ. He feels that a women is equal to him. And that too, in every possible manner. Nowadays, its not only the women who take care of their physical well being men too(atleast metrosexuals) have jumped onto the bandwagon. The male beauty market is tipped off to be the proverbial tortoise which is going to topple off the women's beauty market. Whisky facials, UV gels,waxing(aka akshay kumar and the likes) perfumed pomades,padicures,manicures,bling,scunchies(yes,scrunchies too) are fast becoming the accoutrements of a metrosexual guy. Dont trust me ?? Let me cite some metrosexual idols:

Saif ali khan: Apart from the numerous smooches, one other thing which caught the audience's gaze was the red colored calvin klein trunk shown above his jeans.
In the mellifluous kuch to hua hai in KHNH he gets padicured and manicured simultaneously much to the male viewer's flabbergastedness.

Shah rukh khan: He cries at the drop of the hat. He is a male and he is not supposed to cry so copiously is a common viewer's common refrain. But still, he cries so what he is dubbed as a sissy. He has no inhibitions in crying and that marks off SRK as a metrosexual. A metrosexual is emotionally more rooted. And he holds no compunction in crying if the situation demands so. The lux latest ad triggered off the controversy that srk is surely a faggot. He was caressing his body placed in a jacuzzi filled up with rose petals. How ridiculous is that premise to call SRK a homosexual ?? Very very ridiculous.

These are all the physical things attached with a metrosexual. Lets spool a metrosexual person's mindset. David beckham is a perfect homosexual not because he fantasises wearing his wife's panties but because of the fact that he has no ego hassles about staying at home; and taking care of his kids while his "spicy"(pun not intended) wife goes through her bouts of anorexia and scientology classes from TomKat. And fortunately, men are replicating this example of beckham. A metrosexual male would look for equal satisfaction on bed unlike the non-metrosexual ones. The c-fore and moods survey confirms that many men would not like to have their women on top(while love-making) and they are very liable to take huge umbrage if the female professes to be a lady vatsayana. This is what chauvinism is. Fuckin male chauvinism. Lets celebrate that atleast a few men look for equal satisfaction on bed, foreplay as a MUST and a woman as a complete entity. Hail these modern day ishwar chanra vidya sagars and raja ram mohan roys.

Editor's pick:
Guru: IT IS a blatant rip off from dhirubhai ambani's life but that should not deter you from watching this fantastic film whose screenplay slackens and meanders but abhishek bachchan holds the fort firm and makes us wonder if HE was the man in umrao jaan. His portrayal of an effete man would heap praises galore. Cheers dude. Chemistry between ash and AB is so intense that even a water molecule would not get formed so seamlessly. And btw, AB baby is the new metrosexual what with that hair band and tantric bling all over.