Its time for academic managers !!

Am writing this article close on the heels of a broken heart. So please forgive this hackish attempt of mine at writing. Two-and-half lakh aspirants and finally one percent get through. No am not talking about initial rounds of american or indian idol. Its the mother of all mba exams and arguably the toughest in the world- CAT. Many aspirants drop one year -some spurn lucrative jobs too- after their graduation and pursue its preparation to enter those haloed institutions known as IIM's.
Those who are unlucky reminisce naushad's immortal lines
"manzil mile ya na mile kaarvan hamesha yaad rahega".
Thats what cat is-intoxicating, comsuming, pressure at its best..Thelast adjective is what cat is all about. If you are familiar with the mba exam gobbledegook then u would be knowing what cuf-offs are and how u need to show your competence in all the three sections. Now, what separates IIM's from IIT's is that IIM's necessarily do not take the opal mehtas(the pre change one). They look at all round personality. All seems hunky dory, right ?
No..If you remember an insipid govinda movie pardesi babu, govinda intones a very memorable phrase "It happens only in india". This is what has happened in this year cat exam pattern. The revised format has almost turned cat
into fracas. First things first, all those second time cat takers(like this writer) tune the frequencies of your mind to two and half hours otherwise signals might not get caught well and the transmission would only be zilch. By any yardstick, cat is not a difficult exam. Its all about pressure.
Any cricketer who plays ranji trophy is no doubt talented and technically sound. Yet very few make it to the team and cement their place. Why ?? Because they handle pressure well.. Its always a conundrum for theuninitiated about why savants do not make it past the exam. Its beacuse they do not get that one EUREKA moment to get through the problem. With half-an-hour extended they must be gleeing. This half-an-hour extension technically renders cat just like any other exam. Now the roster of people selected for gd and pi will almost be cauterized to an extent. Knowing similar angle theorem is more important than who pascal lamy and damodaran are. Cat was not about solving, it was about
leaving the typical ones and maximising your accuracy. In other words, being fastiduous was the call of the day. Now, you have to be sporadic and take some chances too because theory of relativity has its best real time example in cat.

Secondly, with bangalore,pune and hyderabad fast gaining the stagnancy stage all the software companies are rushing towards tier-2 cities like vizag. In these circumstances the cat authorities have taken cognizance of the fact that vizag
is getting its fair bit of glitz and so they have decided to remove a bit of veneer. how do they do that ??
Strip vizag of its status as test center. How else can one explain the logic behind keeping gurgaon and noida as centers which are in close proximity, in fact kind of port manteau, with delhi. I can only hope
this does not deter other exams like jmet,xat,snap,irma from conducting in vizag.. Thankfully,Iift is in vizag.

'Kis's.. 'Kis's ko ban karoge !!

If ur a couch potato and more so a music channel addict then you must have observed the fact that there are no more remix videos on air. Why ?? Well, the I&B ministry has decided to keep a primsoll line for those videos. According to the I&B
minister mr.jaipal reddy, the remix videos are corrupting the minds of the easily influencable age group, which is, 16-24. This means that all the nymphets, namely, deepal shaw, shefali zariwala, rakhi sawant et al will be rendered jobless. Just when we talk about women empowerment the goverment is hell bent on not giving the women to earn their bread.
The most distressing part about the whole thing is that theres no point banning these videos. I
still remember 8 years ago when my friends and yours truly used to wait for that all passionate smooch on santa barbara, bold & beautiful. We were least concerned about the story. All we wanted to watch was a smooch. And we used to get really randy when baywatch was on air. Carmen electra n "siliconed" pamela were pin up girls. During my 10th, one of my friend came to me and said that the internet hosts nude pictures. This made me sound like the typical hindi film mother- "nahi yeh nahi ho sakta". That was something blashpehmous to me.
And cut to the present days. Nudity has been part and parcel of our daily life. Right from those soft porn movie posters to those 30*60 vinyl hoardings of condoms and ofcourse the ubiquitous internet. Even if you are checking the mail there is every possibility that nude pop-ups come up from all pervasive corners. Thus, in this world of impropriety banning these videos will not serve any purpose. More so, they can be watched on internet or downloaded also. I admit the minatory
effects of these videos on youngsters but banning them completely wil only stoke the interest as happenned to the otherwise insipid fanaa. The I&B ministry should not be acting as a poor ersatz for the censor board. Before banning these videos,if at all they need to be, i suggest some more bans which need instant ban 'cause they may have even bigger deleterious impacts on the psyche of youngsters.

All the serials: Thanks to miss ekta kapoor and her coterie, sanskaar have never been extolled as they are these days. Joint families have been a big no-no for all the newly weds. Because anyways the girl has to fight against the scheming sasu maa,
dayan devrani, n all. The only person normal in the household would be the bahu and all the other women are part of the coven. Dont these need bans ??

Newschannels: If u remember, last november amitabh bachchan had some illness. This was grist to the mill for newschannels and they were seen giving good run for the money of american paparazzi. For god's sake, hes a human being who is battling
with his life and these cameras were busy showing the wrinkles on his face. I can instantly recall where these newschannels swoop onto sexually abused children and cajole them to tell their story. Some of them even ask for those errogenous areas
where the act has been committed. In fact, they publicise it quite well..
A ****** exclusive - how a 10 year old girl has been brutally raped by her father.. Coming up in just a few moments.. staytuned..
That gives us the question of the day- is india becoming an incestuous country.. Isnt this repulsive to the core ??
These newschannels should certainly cater to some basic principles.


Emraan hashmi: If shah rukh is the one man industry then this guy is the one man smooch industry. Concuppisance has never been a virtue until this guy barged, oops smooched, onto the silver screen. If you are a starlet with big dreams in your mind
then go no further. Pop up a chlormint and get to this guy and he will take care of your future. He has mellifulous music to his credit and thats it, your first step towards stardom. But within all this passion play lust has come into fore. The days wont be far enough when the guy finds a girl comely enough for five minutes of smooch n nuzzle and would be audacious enough to do that. So, i demand complete ban of emraan hashmi from hindi films. If he budges, give him VRS(voluntary retirement
scheme) where he will be given a whole month of smooching. Bender of different kind eh ??

P.S: Amidst all this fracas, i would like to draw your attention to the fact that these remix videos are in fact maintaining our culture by replaying all those timeless classics.